Does Age Matter?
In the Asian online dating world it is not uncommon for a older gentlemen to marry a younger lady. If you ask why this is the case, you’ll get a varied amount of comments. The negative reasons usually have to do with an Asian lady wanting an older gentlemen for financial reasons. I have had some tell me that this not a negative reason, but what stems from this argument are a variety of unpleasant comments. For example, “gold diggers” “mail order bride,” etc.
In other articles I have written I agreed with the assessment that Filipina ladies want to improve their living status by stating that most ladies want to improve their status financially, no matter the culture. So this argument smells of hyprocacy.
Let’s get back to some of the more positive reasons. Most of the following comments are from me asking other Filipina ladies this question: “Why do you like older men?” or I may of asked: “Does age matter?”
Several ladies told me a younger guy is not settled. They are looking for someone who is serious and they seem to believe an older man is more serious about marriage. They did state that a younger guy may not have the financial means to come to their country to visit them and maintain a courtship. When pressed why they thought this, most simply stated “who would have a better job, a 20 year old guy or a 40 year old guy.” I didn’t get into the possibilities of a younger man having a good job with the ladies, but for the record, this seems to be the belief system of Asian women.
This tells me that these ladies weigh the criteria. They take getting in a long distance relationship seriously and don’t want to risk being involved with someone who doesn’t have the staying power needed to be involved in a long distance courtship. In some cases, these ladies had already experienced a relationship with a younger man and after six months was abandon. Getting your heart broken is no fun and most Asian ladies believe a younger man is more likely to do just that. To these ladies it doesn’t make sense to get involved with someone that may not be able to afford to fly to their country to meet them (this is one of the INS criteria for the K-1 process). These ladies realize this requirement and put more emphasis on this criteria then lets say a lady living in the states would.
All this talk about young versus old, led me to question the ladies motives. I simply asked, “if age is a factor in a man’s ability to see a courtship through to marriage, is this your biggest reason to marry?”. That’s when the subject of love came up. Most Asian ladies still want to be attracted to a gentlemen, but what attracts them versus what attracts an American lady seem to differ. Behavior is a big attraction. Most Asian ladies say if a man acts like a gentlemen, in time they find him very attractive and fall in love. Asian ladies don’t put as much emphasis on first looks or impressions. They are more open to courtship until they get to know your character .
This discussion about behavior, courtship, etc. led us back to the discussion of a man’s age. Again, most ladies believe an older gentlemen have rid themselves of his wild oats. They believe older men have learned how to treat a lady like a lady. They believe a younger male isn’t as patient and is more likely to have a wondering eye or worse, a wondering sexual drive.
After many conversations and emails, I can put this discussion about age in perspective. Age is a factor only because of an Asian ladies belief system. However, other criteria does weigh in. In this case, I can use my marriage to Liza (my Filipina Lady) as an example. Liza was courted by several gentlemen. I was far from the richest or best looking. However, I did have a stable job and could afford to be in a long distant relationship (I saved my $). Some of the gentlemen who had more money then I, actually turn Liza off. Even though she wanted to meet a gentlemen who could afford to be in such a relationship, she was not going to be bought. Any gentlemen who tried to shower her with fancy talk about his wealth was crossed off her list. I was much more humble and polite. That generated feelings which led us down the path to matrimony. There is no doubt if I couldn’t of afford to follow through with the courtship, Liza would of had no choice but to find someone else.
My example is typical. These ladies are not looking for wealth, but stability. They are not looking for a young stud, but a man who will treat her with respect, a man who wants to get married and will stay the course through thick and thin. Asian ladies just happen to believe that most older men fit this criteria. All I got to say to the older guys is count your lucky stars. For you younger guys you need to show the lady you are the exception to their belief system. Don’t try to buy them. Show them you care, you are serious about courting them, and that you have the will and maturity to make dreams come true.
Steve Eyes is a webmaster for FilipinaEyes Association and gains his insight from his online dating experience and helping others find love on one of his online dating web sites