The Porn Addiction Supplement, Chapter II
As you may know, there are many genres of porn that may seem a little too extreme to the average porn consumer but I won‘t go into them right now. Suffice it to say we can’t put that genie back into the bottle: those genres have acquired their own following, and they’re here to stay. What you can do as someone who watches porn (and here is where I advocate techniques that have worked for me in the past) is try to regress - so to speak - back to a prior state of mind where your typical run-of-the-mill vanilla sex is wholly satisfying.
Part of the addict’s problem is that it’s not taboo to look at the naked human form anymore. And your basic ma-and-pa sex (I can see you reaching for the brain scrubber that’ll wipe that mental image away) loses luster. However, remember - for those of you who can relate - when you were growing up into adult hood and just the images you saw in a dirty magazine was enough to get you going? The reason was because at that age, it was kind of taboo for you to see such things and the thought that you were doing something you shouldn’t have been doing was thrilling.
Fast forward to the present day. The internet is such a vast place that contains a veritable erotic buffet. Sexually, there’s nothing you can’t find in cyberspace, there’s practically nothing you can’t see that’s worth seeing. For all intents and purposes, there’s nothing you should not be seeing, there’s nothing forbidden. Where’s the fun in that?
Now if you are
1. of an extremely conservative religious view; and
2. if you believe that pornography in any way, shape, or form is just wrong; and
3. if you believe that the only way to deal with porn is to quit cold turkey;
then the solutions I’m about to suggest do not apply to you. I am addressing those addicts who hold the more mainstream notion that there is nothing wrong with witnessing a healthy adult human body - of either gender if you are so inclined - and viewing sexual activities between consenting adults.
Before I suggest two courses of action to the porn junkie, allow me to put you in a certain mindset by making an observation. Like I said before, an integral part of mankind’s nature is to want that which is taboo and forbidden. So, under certain circumstances, it’s okay not to be sexually aroused by an otherwise beautiful woman (speaking to the straight male) that you would normally be attracted to. A lot of men seem to think that if they can‘t get it up for a gorgeous woman then something is wrong with them, and they need to move on to something that‘ll get them aroused.. But times of non-arousal are just part of the human experience and being born of flesh. Desires of the flesh eventually get sated.
For instance, if you’ve just eaten a four-course meal and you’re not hungry anymore, are you going to start perusing food menus in hopes of feeling hungry again? Most likely not. And finding that that menu is not making you hungry, you’re not going to look at menus with more mouth-watering pictures. What you do is push back from the restaurant table and go about your business until the time comes when you’re naturally hungry again, whenever that time might be. So if you’re dealing with a internet porn fixation, push back from the desk and step away from the computer every once in a while.
What I’m talking about, and this is the first tact you can take, is avoidance therapy. I advise that you have an abstinence period of time where you resolve not to look at porn, nor even any woman in a sexual way. Make an internal promise to yourself, make a promise to your close friend. Whatever you have to do to endow yourself with a sense of obligation to see your promise through. It’s almost akin to, to compare it to certain religious practices, sexual fasting. It’s a cleansing of your carnal being. You know like when you haven’t gotten any from your significant other in quite a while, the next time you have sex with her, just the sight of her taking of her clothes is almost enough to make you want to pop. The same theory applies here. By the end of your self-imposed porn fast, you’ll be turned on by just the sight of a woman’s shoulder.
That whole promise thing not working for you? Install a porn filter on your own computer. Usually a porn filter is used to keep objectionable content away from kids, but it works just the same for adults. What you do is have a close friend (who knows about your addiction) sign up and register the software on your computer, without telling you the sign-up password. That way porn content on your own computer is blocked from you and you don’t have the means to unlock it. After a number of days, your friend gives you the code to access the porn content again so you can enjoy it for a short while. He then changes the password and you can start the cycle again, as necessary.
Another thing you can do to avoid looking at porn is, the moment you feel yourself about to look at porn, get up and perform some sort of cardiopulmonary activity on the spot. Some jumping jacks, belly slaps, push ups, sit ups, etc. (Note, if you’re accessing porn at work or at a public library, this might not be a good idea.) The reason for this is a lot of times, you look at porn to get some physical excitement or to get the blood surging through your body. Well, if you’re already exercising, mission accomplished; exercising is just a natural high. And it’s not like you won’t feel better about yourself either. I’ve tried it and it works.
The second approach you can take is adjustment therapy. You’re not totally avoiding porn, you’re just changing your outlook on the “tamer” stuff so you‘ll appreciate it more.
Try looking at women through different colored glasses. Set aside a given amount of time (15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour) where you’re just going to look at plain ole naked women or regular sex with no expectation of getting aroused by it. Try to slow down and notice aspects of a woman you wouldn’t have noticed before, don‘t browse so quickly through the pictures. For example, if you’re a boob man - so to speak - take some time to notice the woman’s (in the picture) lips, the subtle curve of her belly, the daintiness of her feet, the smoothness of her skin, etc. What else do you like about this woman other than the obvious? Try to take almost a clinical approach to the whole thing as if you’re just on a fact finding mission, again with no expectation of getting turned on. You might find yourself getting a reaction before you even realize it.
No matter how much time you’ve set aside (and I propose you set an alarm to it, that way you can just enjoy and concentrate on the experience, without having to worry if and when time is up), it’s important that you get up and walk away at the end of it. Give your brain time to let all the new things you noticed on a woman time to sink in. It does take a bit of self-discipline to walk away exactly when time is up, but it’s necessary.
Accept the sight of a beautiful woman (either partially or totally nude) as its own reward. There’s no need to get off on it, just appreciate it for what it is.
Also go do something else more erotic. Go read an erotic letter or sex story , much like women are more likely to do. It’ll give your mind a workout (or at the very least a good warm-up stretch). After all, the brain is the biggest sex organ anyway. A site I’d recommend for erotic stories is Literotica.com; they have a ton of stories there. I’m surprised that more men don’t read erotic literature.
What a lot of men fail to realize is that part of the attraction of porn is the notion that these women seem willing to do anything you want. Whether it’s with a “(do) me” look, a knowing smile, a light-hearted laugh, etc. When a woman’s personality is taken out of the equation (and it‘s for this reason that I prefer to watch full-motion adult videos as opposed to just looking at still photos), there’s no fundamentally necessary human bonding, and the woman may be reduced to pictures of so much T&A and other body parts.
As much as it may seem that men are ready to go at the flash of a breast , men sometimes need that human, intimate, personable element for arousal and subsequent sex. What the erotic story does is not only describe the action taking place, it fleshes out the female personality and also explains the thought processes behind women’s actions. And if the story is written by a woman, all the better; because as a guy you get to go behind the scenes and see what kind of sexual fantasies, feelings, and passion lurk within the recesses of the female mind. That’s quite a turn-on in its own way. These are things that are hard to accurately depict in a visual context.
I think we should address the fact that we are a nation of addicts prior to stating that porn is inherently evil and useless. Very few things are inherently evil and useless. Consider the bacteria toxin that is injected into your face for botox treatments: this toxin, secreted by the bacteria that causes botulism, would be lethal if injected in a concentrated enough form. You talk about making lemonade out of lemons…
A debate that was carried out at the Oxford Union Debating Society (no less) in London a few years ago came to the conclusion that on some level, pornography was beneficial to society. Porn affords the typical male the ability to get his visual fix. Porn also provides instruction, when done a certain way, on how to become a better lover. The article provides many more examples.
But beware: part of the problem with intense pornography fixation is that it seems, initially and on the surface of things, to be a victimless crime. There is no bodily harm or hard-to-reverse somatic changes occurring in the partaker (unlike in the case of drug, alcohol, cigarette, or other substance addiction); and also there’s no other party that is directly taken advantage of or abused. However, the down side is very real and can be just as bad as that of any other vice. Even though I am very much pro-pornography, I suggest you read the above-mentioned article (concerning the Australian gentleman) on the pitfalls of the medium when it is over-indulged. Like I’ve said before in so many words, remember the classic line, “Everything in moderation.”
To those who need it, good luck getting out of your addiction prison. I’ll be waiting for you on the outside.
The author is affiliated with Sex-Toys-Videos.com, and writes regular porn and sex toy articles for his blog page Sex, Toys, and Videotape.